Today has been a rough one for me. I was both super excited and nervous about this day... which I have known about for some time now. I knew that at 8:30 this morning my sister, her bf, mom, etc. would be sitting in a little room watching her 20 week old baby bounce around and find out if I was going to be getting a new neice or nephew. I get the text around 9:30 saying, "It's a GIRL!" This news was so bittersweet to me because while I am so happy for my sister, I am so sad for me.
So I am taking today to think about things and while bumping found this article, http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/expert.q.a/01/12/infertility.depression.friends.raison/index.html .I read through the reply and realized something. God has been giving me therapy since my miscarriage. Every friend that has called and told me their good news in the past two months, all of the effort I have put into being there for my sister and these friends has all been like a conditioning for me. God is helping me to become a better person and making me face my fears/envy. And I have to say, even though it was very difficult at first, it is helping. The last thing that I want is to be depressed. I know that I am going to have bad days... but that's OK. I will get through them and I truly believe that God will give me my heart's desire. I am so thankful to Him for spending so much time on me and allowing His light to shine through me!
"God is helping me to become a better person and making me face my fears/envy." I never thought of it that way. I keep saying to myself I'll understand this part of my life one day, but for the time being I can't see why I had to go through this. Thanks for this perspective.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean... and some days I will probably still feel like, "Why?" But I just need to remember this and look at the bigger picture. If that makes any sense!
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