Finally Ready????

Who knows.... I'm not sure anyone is ever READY for a baby... much less a miscarraige. I do know that I feel an overwhelming amount of love and joy when I think about trying again, so much so that it brings tears to my eyes! It has taken me a while to get to this point. The past year has felt like centuries and it has also felt like mere seconds.. ::Don't ask me how that is possible, it just is:: I don't know what is in store for us, but I do know that God is in control. I have put all of my faith and trust in Him. Whatever happens has been perfectly designed in a way that will ultimately bring me and those around me closer to what is REALLY important... God. I can only pray and hope for the best... and that is what I intend to do (:

Uncertainty

(Our big tree in the backyard)

There is something about uncertainty that both frightens and excites me...

I am not sure of where I will be in the next few months... There are so many different possibilities! I may get laid off, I may get the transfer I have been hoping for, I may get transferred somewhere else, and I may even stay right where I am! In the next few months I could be pregnant, or be totally satisfied with life at that moment in time. August will prove to be an awesome month when many things are set into place for me and my little family. I have found myself looking forward to what is to come... whatever that may be! I know that I am being watched over and it makes me feel safe to know that it is all in His more than capable hands! I can only pray that I am making the right choices and decisions that will lead down His righteous path!

Here are some pictures from my birthday and spring break etc. that I can now add thanks to Mrs.EmmaLouise (: Thanks again!








They took me to my favorite resturaunt (:

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Love, Mrs. Tims

I'm BAAAAAACK!

The past few months have been extremely hard.... to say the least! So... in a nutshell (think of this rambling like the one Owen Wilson does in Marley and Me - LOVE the movie!)


FEBRUARY

• Got a BFP!!! First cycle TTC after our MC in October!


• Started spotting two weeks later.


• Went in for ultrasound... measuring a week behind. No HB.


• Started bleeding heavily the next day.


• Miscarried the 3rd week in February at around 6-7 weeks gest.
  
• Agonized over this... but knew that it is all in HIS plan!


• Swore off anything having to do with TTC.

MARCH

• Started planning my sister's baby shower
  
• Cooked an impromptu dinner for DH's birthday - Chef Boyardee and grilled cheese, LOL.

• Got a HUGE snow... Made a snowman with my baby.


• Started rennovation of our backyard. BEFORE PIC.


• Started panning for a Southern Living party that I was hosting. (Can you tell I was trying to keep busy???)


• Got observed twice in one week at work... I am a teacher.


• The next week I had a Data Notebook to turn in and got my yearly evaluation. (STRESS does not even cover it!)


• Anxiety REALLY starts getting to me! It always does around a month after my MC's... I think it's the hormones.


• Successfully hosted the shower and SL party. Had a GREAT turn out for both (: My sister is having a girl... Ashlyn Vivian and the theme of my SL party was Chicks and Chocolate!
  
  
  

APRIL

• Mine and my sister's Birthday and Easter all on the same day (:


• Played with our dog... WALKER!


• Spring Break! Had a blast with my darling son (: (I can feel the stress melting away!)


• After an endless round of POINTLESS Dr appointments I came to terms with the fact that there is nothing wrong with me and how LUCKY I am to have my son and husband... our lovely home... our loving families.... our jobs!
  

I have realized that I cannot spend every waking hour obsessing over something that I have no control over. If it is meant to be then it will happen. I am taking time to appreciate everything that God has blessed me with and just go with the flow. I can't even begin to think about being pg again... it scares me honestly. So for the time being we are not TTC but living our lives and having fun (:


SIDE NOTE: I gave up on the pictures because it was taking WAY too long! If you know a better way to add them please let me in on your little secret!

Love, Jenna

God is my therapist...

Today has been a rough one for me. I was both super excited and nervous about this day... which I have known about for some time now. I knew that at 8:30 this morning my sister, her bf, mom, etc. would be sitting in a little room watching her 20 week old baby bounce around and find out if I was going to be getting a new neice or nephew. I get the text around 9:30 saying, "It's a GIRL!" This news was so bittersweet to me because while I am so happy for my sister, I am so sad for me.

So I am taking today to think about things and while bumping found this article, http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/expert.q.a/01/12/infertility.depression.friends.raison/index.html .I read through the reply and realized something. God has been giving me therapy since my miscarriage. Every friend that has called and told me their good news in the past two months, all of the effort I have put into being there for my sister and these friends has all been like a conditioning for me. God is helping me to become a better person and making me face my fears/envy. And I have to say, even though it was very difficult at first, it is helping. The last thing that I want is to be depressed. I know that I am going to have bad days... but that's OK. I will get through them and I truly believe that God will give me my heart's desire. I am so thankful to Him for spending so much time on me and allowing His light to shine through me!

Trying...

Why is that such a hard thing to tell people? It wouldn't take much for me to just say... "We're trying again." But I just can't say it. Not to anyone. I actually told one of my BFF's today and then said, "DO NOT TELL A SINGLE SOUL!" Why am I acting like this is the biggest secret ever??? The only thing I can think of is that I am afraid... so so afraid of EVERYTHING! I just have to believe that everything will work out the way it should and it will all be OK. I will ask God to give me faith and hope.

"Fear keeps you prisoner... Hope sets you free."